1. Fruit and Bugs
Sarah Kobos / BuzzFeed
FRUIT AND BUGS
Serves 1-2.
INGREDIENTS:
Fruit
Bugs*
Assemble your favorite fruits on a plate. Really try to think about how a sloth would go about eating this dish, and try to incorporate more of your favorite fruit. In the case of some sloths, that would be grapes.
Arrange the fruit in easy to grab piles. Sloths don’t want to spend any extra time when enjoying a meal, so make it as effortless as possible to chow down.
When you’re pleased with the overall fruit aesthetic, sprinkle nutritious bugs* on top to complete the meal. These will provide an added texture and crunch to this sweet dish!
(*We used chia seeds.)
2. Leaves
Sarah Kobos / BuzzFeed
LEAVES
Serves 1-2.
INGREDIENTS:
Leafy greens
Arrange giant leaves of plants on a plate, paying close attention to the colors and textures. While sloths may typically enjoy the leaves of whatever tree they happen to be hanging around in, they also deeply care about the composition of their meal.
Anything huge, leafy and generally green is perfect for this dish. The more exotic, the better. When selecting your leaves, think about how proud you’ll be able to sound next to the other pretentious folk at the grocery store in the leaf section when recounting your sloth diet backstory.
3. Grapes
Sarah Kobos / BuzzFeed
GRAPES
Serves 1-2.
INGREDIENTS:
Grapes
Put grapes in a bowl. Sloths love a simple meal, and they’ll never turn down a grape. It’s easy, it’s pretty, and it’s healthy as well! Who doesn’t enjoy fruit? This meal is perfect in the morning or as a mid-Slothsgiving snack. Perhaps it could act as a palate cleanser between the courses of your feast.
This dish is best enjoyed while reclining, perhaps on a chaise-type chair that’s perfect for lounging. Bonus points if someone elsefeeds you the grapes!
4. Shoots
Sarah Kobos / BuzzFeed
SHOOTS
Serves 1-2.
INGREDIENTS:
Shoots
Where there’s shoots, there will be sloths. Sloths. Love. Shoots. Especially if they’re juicy shoots. So, grab your favorite shoots and sprouts and throw them together on a plate.
No need to sauté these shoots, as sloths don’t have access to cooking utensils or heat sources. Just select the best shoots you can find, and chow down!
5. Leaves and Eggs
Sarah Kobos / BuzzFeed
LEAVES AND EGGS
Serves 1-2.
INGREDIENTS:
Leafy greens
Eggs
Feeling a little unsatisfied from your plate of leaves earlier? Sloths have found the solution to that! Did you know sloths are known to eat small eggs that are around the trees they’re chillin’ in? It’s true! So, why not toss a couple onto your leaves and call it a salad!
Obviously, these eggs have been prepared, but that’s because sloths are way more wacky than humans. They can eat eggs just straight up raw. Raw! No need to make your tummy go insane on this holiday – leave the insanity to your families, am I right???
6. Shoots and Fruits
Sarah Kobos / BuzzFeed
SHOOTS AND FRUITS
Serves 1-2.
INGREDIENTS:
Shoots
Fruits
Optional: bugs
Time to combine the juicy goodness of sloths’ favorite foods all in one dish! Combine the best berries, and of course the necessary grapes, with the choicest of shoots. What could be better???
As always, this dish is all about simplicity and the amount of effort it’ll take to eat it. For best results, consider just tipping the plate directly into your mouth/gullet and going with the flow of life.
7. Eggs with Bugs
Sarah Kobos / BuzzFeed
EGGS WITH BUGS
Serves 1-2.
INGREDIENTS:
Eggs
Bugs*
This is the ultimate protein-packed meal! A perfect way to cap off your celebrations. Prepare your eggs in your favorite method (for sloths, again, this just means raw as heck), and sprinkle with the appropriate amount of bugs.
There’s crunch, there’s nutrition, and there’s plenty of interesting textures to keep you and your party guests intrigued from start to finish. This dish is ready to give you so much energy, even though you won’t need it for this celebration!
