Get your unique moniker on Buzzfeed.
1. Fruit and Bugs
FRUIT AND BUGS
Assemble your favorite fruits on a plate. Really try to think about how a sloth would go about eating this dish, and try to incorporate more of your favorite fruit. In the case of some sloths, that would be grapes.
Arrange the fruit in easy to grab piles. Sloths don’t want to spend any extra time when enjoying a meal, so make it as effortless as possible to chow down.
When you’re pleased with the overall fruit aesthetic, sprinkle nutritious bugs* on top to complete the meal. These will provide an added texture and crunch to this sweet dish!
(*We used chia seeds.)
Arrange giant leaves of plants on a plate, paying close attention to the colors and textures. While sloths may typically enjoy the leaves of whatever tree they happen to be hanging around in, they also deeply care about the composition of their meal.
Anything huge, leafy and generally green is perfect for this dish. The more exotic, the better. When selecting your leaves, think about how proud you’ll be able to sound next to the other pretentious folk at the grocery store in the leaf section when recounting your sloth diet backstory.
Put grapes in a bowl. Sloths love a simple meal, and they’ll never turn down a grape. It’s easy, it’s pretty, and it’s healthy as well! Who doesn’t enjoy fruit? This meal is perfect in the morning or as a mid-Slothsgiving snack. Perhaps it could act as a palate cleanser between the courses of your feast.
This dish is best enjoyed while reclining, perhaps on a chaise-type chair that’s perfect for lounging. Bonus points if someone elsefeeds you the grapes!
Where there’s shoots, there will be sloths. Sloths. Love. Shoots. Especially if they’re juicy shoots. So, grab your favorite shoots and sprouts and throw them together on a plate.
No need to sauté these shoots, as sloths don’t have access to cooking utensils or heat sources. Just select the best shoots you can find, and chow down!
5. Leaves and Eggs
LEAVES AND EGGS
Feeling a little unsatisfied from your plate of leaves earlier? Sloths have found the solution to that! Did you know sloths are known to eat small eggs that are around the trees they’re chillin’ in? It’s true! So, why not toss a couple onto your leaves and call it a salad!
Obviously, these eggs have been prepared, but that’s because sloths are way more wacky than humans. They can eat eggs just straight up raw. Raw! No need to make your tummy go insane on this holiday – leave the insanity to your families, am I right???
6. Shoots and Fruits
SHOOTS AND FRUITS
Time to combine the juicy goodness of sloths’ favorite foods all in one dish! Combine the best berries, and of course the necessary grapes, with the choicest of shoots. What could be better???
As always, this dish is all about simplicity and the amount of effort it’ll take to eat it. For best results, consider just tipping the plate directly into your mouth/gullet and going with the flow of life.
7. Eggs with Bugs
EGGS WITH BUGS
This is the ultimate protein-packed meal! A perfect way to cap off your celebrations. Prepare your eggs in your favorite method (for sloths, again, this just means raw as heck), and sprinkle with the appropriate amount of bugs.
There’s crunch, there’s nutrition, and there’s plenty of interesting textures to keep you and your party guests intrigued from start to finish. This dish is ready to give you so much energy, even though you won’t need it for this celebration!
“What is this sloth hiding?”
Chelsea (NY): He hid a lil poop in your apartment, up to you to find it.
Tom P. (London): The exact time and nature of your death.
Baxter (Mexico): He is the two-faced sloth. One of the Original Five who roamed the Earth. He is not hiding anything, he is just showing us his vengeful face. On the other side, we can see his forgiveness face.
Chris G. (NY): *Opens fridge to find an empty milk jug. Looks up.*
Kaelin (NY): He just ate the last Pop-Tart but didn’t throw the box away, so your ass is about to be tricked and disappointed.
Candace (LA): He just crop-dusted.
Flo (London): He’s a gay sloth.
Michelle (SF): He’s a cat in a sloth costume from Party City.
Summer (NY): He’s literally a living dwarf planet (like Pluto!) covered in fur and sent to earth to make people happy.
Andrew (NY): “…I can run.”
More on Buzzfeed!
Oh. My. God. I am LITERALLY IN TEARS. This baby has no idea how lucky she is to grow up with a SLOTH in her life FROM BIRTH.
Cannot deal right now.
Read it all here on Buzzfeed.
Back in Slothsgivings, Buzzfeed challenged its writers/readers to draw a sloth on a bicycle. Just because. Of course. There were some… interesting… illustrations. (View them all here.)
But I think Dark Cycle Clothing has to take the cake for its incredible Sloth on a Bike on a Tshirt. Wowsa.I should point out that I DON’T ride a bike. I do have an exercise bike at home, slightly collecting dust, but one of these days I WILL ride it! However I think (even though it’s proverbially wrong) that I’ve forgotten how to ride a bike. I feel like if I tried, I’d fall. So, bully for you if you know/enjoy riding but unfortunately it’s not for me!!
More slothy info for you all! Apparently, sloth evolution wasn’t so… well, SLOTHY… after all. More than 50 different sloth species used to exist! Can you imagine!!?? Now there’s only 6 left.
In times past, there was actually a trend towards sloths evolving to be LARGER over a very short period of time, but due to various unknown events in history, the only sloths that survived to modern day are those that were small and that lived in the trees. Here’s the link to the Journal Article in BMC Evolutionary Biology, or the lay summary of sloth evolution by IFLS, or a short snippet and pics on Buzzfeed.
Go and look at these Book covers replaced by sloths… If these books actually existed, I would read them all straight away. Except I think I’d be opposed to “The Fault in Our Sloths”.
Apparently I’m the “cuddle sloth”… Cute quiz on Buzzfeed.
New on Buzzfeed: If Disney Princesses were Sloths. So much yes.